Pathetic Me
Saturday 22 December 2007
That's it , I am fuckin sick of putting a smile on for the world! 'Aarrh, doesn't it bother you that your family hasn't been in touch'.? You know what, so called friend, it might surprise you to know I am fucking human! YES it DOES bother me, in fact it hurts like hell. Family, ha, which family, I now have three if you count my Dad.
Three families... and not one has been in touch. Would it botherYOU?
I hate feeling like this but even more I hate admitting I feel like this. I am an adult so yeah I probably sound pathetic but I feel pathetic. Pathetic for ever believing I would be anything more than a novelty to my new found family. Right now I hate you all. I didnt realize just how much I wanted and needed a family until you all convinced me.
Im not a disposable toy. Adop mum you took me just because you wanted me at that time. Real mum I dont care what you say you could of tried harder to get me back. Adopt mum you put me into care when I was 11... Why?... we never have spoke about it? 9 times you through me away just to get me back... why?.... Real mum ... you have let me go again... why? I am sick of feeling this way. I am sick of crying. and I am sick of being angry all the time. While you all have each other I have no one to help put me back together. I will get over this and I will be stronger for it. but just for now I need to hate you all.
23 December 2007 at 22:22
((((((hugs))))) it bothers me too. I am so sorry. My amom went out of town, my first mom lives across the country, my dad hasn't called in 6 months, I don't even know if he knows my phone number anymore. pfffft.
hate me too, if it makes you feel better. go ahead and yell, i'll be your rock!
24 December 2007 at 03:10
Oh neroli I feel dead guilty now, anyone would think I was the only person to ever feel hurt! Thanks for caring enough to post. God even kindness makes me cry. How could I hate the sender of a much needed hug! Im too scared to really yell incase I cant stop. I just need to lick my wounds and bounce back. HUH! sucks doesnt it.
Thanks again and hugs back to you.
tina
24 December 2007 at 04:41
You're so not pathetic. Not at all.
YOU'RE HUMAN.
So what that you're an adult. Like you were able to deal with this stuff when you were a child? Like you had answers, straight talk, the truth when you were a child? Grrrrr.
None of this adoption shit is normal. There are no "right" ways to process anything adoption related. Allow yourself to feel what you feel.
And be good to yourself.
((((Tina))))
30 December 2007 at 22:15
I just read this and all I can say is that keep in mind, there will never be another you!
Rid yourself of every unworthy idiot and be who you are, above all be nice to yourself.