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Pathetic Me  

Saturday, 22 December 2007

That's it , I am fuckin sick of putting a smile on for the world! 'Aarrh, doesn't it bother you that your family hasn't been in touch'.? You know what, so called friend, it might surprise you to know I am fucking human! YES it DOES bother me, in fact it hurts like hell. Family, ha, which family, I now have three if you count my Dad.
Three families... and not one has been in touch. Would it botherYOU?

I hate feeling like this but even more I hate admitting I feel like this. I am an adult so yeah I probably sound pathetic but I feel pathetic. Pathetic for ever believing I would be anything more than a novelty to my new found family. Right now I hate you all. I didnt realize just how much I wanted and needed a family until you all convinced me.
Im not a disposable toy. Adop mum you took me just because you wanted me at that time. Real mum I dont care what you say you could of tried harder to get me back. Adopt mum you put me into care when I was 11... Why?... we never have spoke about it? 9 times you through me away just to get me back... why?.... Real mum ... you have let me go again... why? I am sick of feeling this way. I am sick of crying. and I am sick of being angry all the time. While you all have each other I have no one to help put me back together. I will get over this and I will be stronger for it. but just for now I need to hate you all.

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4 comments: to “ Pathetic Me

  • Neroli
    23 December 2007 at 22:22  

    ((((((hugs))))) it bothers me too. I am so sorry. My amom went out of town, my first mom lives across the country, my dad hasn't called in 6 months, I don't even know if he knows my phone number anymore. pfffft.

    hate me too, if it makes you feel better. go ahead and yell, i'll be your rock!

  • Tina with much2say
    24 December 2007 at 03:10  

    Oh neroli I feel dead guilty now, anyone would think I was the only person to ever feel hurt! Thanks for caring enough to post. God even kindness makes me cry. How could I hate the sender of a much needed hug! Im too scared to really yell incase I cant stop. I just need to lick my wounds and bounce back. HUH! sucks doesnt it.
    Thanks again and hugs back to you.

  • Andie D.
    24 December 2007 at 04:41  

    You're so not pathetic. Not at all.


    So what that you're an adult. Like you were able to deal with this stuff when you were a child? Like you had answers, straight talk, the truth when you were a child? Grrrrr.

    None of this adoption shit is normal. There are no "right" ways to process anything adoption related. Allow yourself to feel what you feel.

    And be good to yourself.


  • MarianaZF
    30 December 2007 at 22:15  

    I just read this and all I can say is that keep in mind, there will never be another you!
    Rid yourself of every unworthy idiot and be who you are, above all be nice to yourself.

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