Showing posts with label Search. Show all posts
Keep Ben in the News
Touched by Adoption
Dont ask stupid questions
Who's House
Thursday, 27 February 2014
The time seems right for me to restart blog world. So much has happened, including breakdown and recovery from relapse of eating disorder. Proof though that for the adoptee adoption NEVER goes away.
I didnt know where to begin so Ive just began with some old drafts I didnt post.
Since Christmas I have thrown myself into the EU adoption site I set up with Mariana from illegal adoptions Greece I had hoped that my own situation would become something to let go of and put down to experience, that hasn't happened. The memories still keep bombarding me with no sense to them. I found it too painful writing this blog before but it did put a few things into order for me so here goes... round two.
Who's house was it? I know now it wasn't my real mums, so who's? We went after school one night, I know that because I remember wearing a green knitted cardigan so I must have been in junior school. Again I wanted to know about my mum and again I was told not to get upset but she didn't want me and she couldn't give a damn about me.
The next day you took me out of school early. In the car you told me we were going to see my mum. I don't remember how I felt. I can picture the house as though it was yesterday. The front door opened into the living room. It had red lino on the floor (think that's what it was called) and a window both sides of the door. There was a wooden table that wobbled under one window, I sat there with a boy painting. It was a magic painting book. You just dipped the paint brush in water and the colours came on the page (god why cant' everything be that easy). The woman (she wasn't my mum) had a beehive hair style though I haven't a clue what she looked like or who she was. You must have told me something about her, even if just to explain why we were at her house. A bit later (not sure how long) I was told my mum wasn't coming and we left. The woman gave me a tiny tears doll (which my niece now has) and the foot had been chewed on it.
All the way home I kept hearing 'told you she couldn't be bothered' 'you should have listened' 'its your own fault' (meaning my crying). I don't think I ever asked to see my mum after that. My mum knew nothing about it (I know now). Who's house was it, woman, who were you. All I am sure of is whoever she was she wasn't on my adop mums list of hate. I know because she didn't take tiny tears away from me. I don't even know if over the years I ever asked about the lady who gave me my doll, I probably did because I loved my tiny tears and a child would ask wouldn't they?
I will update this a bit later. I now know who the lady is... She is the one good thing to come out of all this and a special lady {but not my mum}.
Read More......
I didnt know where to begin so Ive just began with some old drafts I didnt post.
Since Christmas I have thrown myself into the EU adoption site I set up with Mariana from illegal adoptions Greece I had hoped that my own situation would become something to let go of and put down to experience, that hasn't happened. The memories still keep bombarding me with no sense to them. I found it too painful writing this blog before but it did put a few things into order for me so here goes... round two.
Who's house was it? I know now it wasn't my real mums, so who's? We went after school one night, I know that because I remember wearing a green knitted cardigan so I must have been in junior school. Again I wanted to know about my mum and again I was told not to get upset but she didn't want me and she couldn't give a damn about me.
The next day you took me out of school early. In the car you told me we were going to see my mum. I don't remember how I felt. I can picture the house as though it was yesterday. The front door opened into the living room. It had red lino on the floor (think that's what it was called) and a window both sides of the door. There was a wooden table that wobbled under one window, I sat there with a boy painting. It was a magic painting book. You just dipped the paint brush in water and the colours came on the page (god why cant' everything be that easy). The woman (she wasn't my mum) had a beehive hair style though I haven't a clue what she looked like or who she was. You must have told me something about her, even if just to explain why we were at her house. A bit later (not sure how long) I was told my mum wasn't coming and we left. The woman gave me a tiny tears doll (which my niece now has) and the foot had been chewed on it.
All the way home I kept hearing 'told you she couldn't be bothered' 'you should have listened' 'its your own fault' (meaning my crying). I don't think I ever asked to see my mum after that. My mum knew nothing about it (I know now). Who's house was it, woman, who were you. All I am sure of is whoever she was she wasn't on my adop mums list of hate. I know because she didn't take tiny tears away from me. I don't even know if over the years I ever asked about the lady who gave me my doll, I probably did because I loved my tiny tears and a child would ask wouldn't they?
I will update this a bit later. I now know who the lady is... She is the one good thing to come out of all this and a special lady {but not my mum}.
not worth a title
Saturday, 9 February 2008
Why do I do it, why put myself through it. It wasn't till I was drowning in my snot and tears that I actually realized I was doing it. Doing what... searching fuckin searching.
I must have gone from site to site for hours. Sad thing is I wasn't looking for anyone, I was hoping someone might be looking for me. Pathetic or what. I'm an adult and Im sat crying because all those searching post and not one solitary person wants me. I need to give myself a slap and get some sleep. Once again without any warning fucking adoption has had me in the net again!
Letter of Contact
Thursday, 25 October 2007
I had a few possible address's for the person who could be my mum. I also had pages and pages of people with same surnames that I had decided could be possible family members. I was considering writing to all the addresses that could be my mums when out the blue my friend emailed me to say she had found birth records of three possible siblings, oh fuck it, that's not a word I say! two sisters and a brother.
I couldn't write direct to my mum knowing that she had kids. I hadn't even thought of sisters and brothers but I assumed that she would of never told them about me. She had ran off when I was just 10 days old and never had contact since (so I had been told) So why would she tell her kids.
I needed to start connecting all the people I had collected. I started to do a sort of family tree. When I had a rough tree I started going through all the local obituary columns. I thought when a family member dies its pretty normal to put an announcement in the local paper with funeral details saying loving bro/sis of whoever and loving son of. You know the thing. Anyway in the middle of the second night searching I found it! An obituary from 2002 saying loving brother to and devoted son to and loved uncle of... Everyone on my tree was mentioned, including my mum and sisters and brother. I finally knew I had the right family, a big family at that!
I narrowed it down to her brother and his wife (they had lived in same house for 15 yrs according to the electoral register) So that's who I wrote to. I lost count of how many pages I scribbled out. I didn't have a clue how to start it, but this is how it went. I told them my name and when I was born and said I thought their sister was my mum. I said I didn't want to contact her direct because of her family. That I didn't want to intrude into her life, but could I have a photo of her and maybe a letter. If I'm 100% honest I expected a reply saying she had moved on with her life and she didn't want contact. I was ready for that, I had only ever been told the story of her running off. I desperately wanted a photo though.
Within a week of sending the letter my whole family had travelled 120 miles and landed on my doorstep.
More Email July 2005
Wednesday, 26 September 2007
June and July 2005 were the most exciting and nerve racking days of my life. Nothing could have prepared me for what happened next. The last e mail sent was the day before my world fell apart. The day before I completely lost who I thought I was.
tina wrote:
> > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > >I think ive made a major break through and if i have i have got nearly all her family!!!! i know its 5 in the morning but im almost positive, so had to mail you!!! i just hope i dont fall asleep (havent been to bed for 2 days) and wake up to find ive just wished it and really ive collected a travelling circus!!!! cant wait to let you know it all cos you will have a better idea as to wether they all fit.... byeeee!!!
Subject: RE: Fisher
> > > > > > > > > > >Date: 28 Jun 2005 10:13:42 +0100 (BST)
> > > > > > > > > >Morning Tina although i bet you are still in bed crazy woman staying up all night, what have you found ????? more children to her and Michael.
> > > > > > > > > > >I only went upto 1972 as you know i still have a few credits so could try 1974 and 1976 maybe as babies are normaly 2 years apart.
> > > > > > > > > > >Or maybe you have already found more kids.
> > > > > > > > > > >Col xx
tina wrote:
> > > > > > > > > >I was just in middle of typing it to you.... hope im not bugging you.... well, i think ive found her entire family! her mum and dad i think are james fisher and mary jones ( the others were proddies) they had john, James, mary, isabella and marie. James their son married Marguarita (rita) and they had, Ian, david, cathy and tricia. their son ian died in sept. 2002 aged 36. John isabella's brother died 19.2.04. aged 62!!! what do you think x
>Date: 28 Jun 2005 10:38:58 +0100 (BST)
> > > > > > > > > >Hi Tina were did you find all this info...
> > > > > > > > > >Col xx
tina adams . wrote:
> > > > > > > > >oh, yeh and the one who died used to be a member of friends reunited because i remember going on his name and there was an announcement from his brother saying he had died there isnt a fisher i havent clicked on to i dont think! sorry i must be doing your head in. x
>Date: 28 Jun 2005 14:39:39 +0100 (BST)
Hi Tina you sound delighted, who was it who died a family friend.
> > > > > > > > >Col xxxx
tina s wrote:
> > > > > > > >no it was family deaths. you know the death coloumn in the echo i just went through the old announcements. and i rememberd seeing ian fishers death on friendreunitd, trust me, ive been like a lunatic for nearly 20yrs trying for info and i know it sounds a bit sad but for that past year i have scoured the net every day looking for possible fishers. what do you think do you think it sounds right what ive found
Subject: RE: Fisher
> > > > > > > >Date: 28 Jun 2005 18:18:35 +0100 (BST)
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >Hiya Tina just had a look, so you think the Jimmy and Rita are James & Margaurita so that would make Jimmy your mums brother yes ??? surley if Michael & Isabella were still around they would have put an obituary in or even one of there children they would be in there 30's now.
> > > > > > > >As i always say write it all down incase it is correct, i searched for the marriage of a Fisher and a Jones 1943, 1944 and Jan-March 1945 could not find one in the Liverpool area so that means they married before 1943 so had to have had other children or another child before Isabella was born in 1945.
> > > > > > > >Colette
tina adams wrote:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >Hiya james fisher and mary jones whaere married liverpool 1935 in the obituary for son john who died 19.2.04 it said reuntied with mum and dad james and mary that was put in the echo by his brother and sisters jimmy mary bella and marie, god ive just woke up xx
Subject: RE: Fisher
> > > > > > >Date: 29 Jun 2005 19:05:40 +0100 (BST)
> > > > > > >Hi Tina i am with you now i never saw that obituary does make sense doesnt it.
> > > > > > >With the Bella and sister Marie the name you got Donna Marie i think you are onto something sherlock.
> > > > > > >Lazy Bonessssssssssssssss
> > > > > > >Colette xxxxxxxxxx
> > > > >Date: 29 Jun 2005 23:53:20 +0100 (BST)
> > > > >
> > > > >Hi Tina god you poor girl your a mess dont worry
> > > > >Get all your bits together in a big file get some of those plastic sleeve things and keep em all together and take a deep breathe from time to time dont lose ya koollllllllllllllllll.
tina wrote:
> > > >
> > > >I think i might of found her!!! Isabella Fisher, 8 xxxxclose, . Allison Byrne, xxxxclose, !!!! mother and daughter.... maybe....
Subject: RE: Fisher
> > > >Date: 30 Jun 2005 09:12:50 +0100 (BST)
> > > >Wonder why shes a Fisher though maybe she got divorced and is using her own name again.
> > > >Col xx
>tina adams wrote:
> >
> >Hiya, god i must be proper bugging you! i rekon 1st i have to make sure that james and rita fisher are jimmy a maguerita fisher if they are then its them im going to approach first, he is her brother so i think he is best, her kids might not even know about me, and if she wants them to know that has to be her decision, what do you think ive got an adress and number for jimmy and rita!?? help......xxx
>Subject: RE: Fisher
> >Date: 30 June 2005 21:27:04 +0100 (BST)
> >
> >
> >Hi Ti listen its up to you, you have come along way to find her and i bet there hasnt been a day gone by that she hasnt thourght of you were you are what you are doing and what you look like.
> >She's only human after all but also be prepared to be dissapointed as she may not want to see you but some how i dont think that will happen, aye you never know she may have been looking for you also.
> >I think you should ring Rita and Jimmy and if its them, see what they say i know it will be nerve racking at first but if it gets you to meet your birth mum well worth it.
> >I think you have to do it for yourself or you will go mad.
> >And remember none of this was your fault you were an innocent baby caught up in something ok.......
> >
> >
> >Go for it Colette i am thinking about you xxxxxxxxx
>tina adams wrote:
>
>hiya col, ive just woke up.... all this has turned me into a vampire..hahaha. ye you are right my first call has to be her brother because like i said before she may not have told her kids about me and if she hasnt then i think it should stay that way for them, it would be a giant thing to cope with to suddenly find the mum you thought you knew so well had kept such a big secret all this time,im happy just to know that they exist. i dont believe she has tried to find me cos if she had she would only of had to go to some adoption sites on web and she would of found my details. the most likely hood is she has tried to put it behind her and get on with life... and i dont blame her.... she will probably be as nervous as me and might even be too scared to see me, for all she knows i could be out to destroy her, but im not. It hadnt really hit me before fact that this is going to effect quite a few lives, im scared to death! ive told my kids today... they knew i was looking, but never
> took much notice.... My eldest son just said he will be with me every step of the way and that if she doesnt want to know me then its her loss. My younger son just said, yeh, cool, so long as they arent evertonians! Then comes my daughter ive ended up arguing with her, my kids dad (im divorced from him) was brought up in care, so my kids have only ever had me they have no other family, apart from my adopted mum, who she goes to see once a year she is on cloud nine and keeps saying "ive got a real nan" and proper auntys and uncles. Ive had to tell her that right now and maybe forever, they are nothing to her or me, but i cant get that through to her, she loves everyone in life and would open her arms to the bin man if she could....you know the sort.... ive lost count of how many stray animals she has brought home over the years. She is going to be my biggest problem through all this, i just know it! questions question god ive gone on a bit havent i....hahaha... til lata xxxx
tina wrote:
>
>Cheers collette, have a brilliant holiday hope its nice and hot. i went to bodrum 2yrs ago, had a great time. yes you have to get in touch when you get back...... i might of plucked up courage to of done something by then!!!!. Collette I will never be able to thank you enough for your help, it is the biggest thing anyone has ever done for me and without sounding like a creepy freek, I will keep you in my heart forever. xxxxxx
25 July 2005 07.30
tina adams wrote:
Colette, hiya hope you had a fab holiday.guess what...... my real mum and sisters and brother are coming to see me today!!!!!!! tinaxx
Sent :
25 July 2005 08:5
To :
tina
Tinaaaaaaaaaa brilliant news tell me more did you ring her brother oh give us the gossip was she pleased you found her sounds like it.
I am so happy for you.
Yes i had a fab holiday i love Turkey the people are great and such a lively place.
Dont keep me in suspendersssssssssssssssssss
Col xxxxxxx
Read More......
tina wrote:
> > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > >I think ive made a major break through and if i have i have got nearly all her family!!!! i know its 5 in the morning but im almost positive, so had to mail you!!! i just hope i dont fall asleep (havent been to bed for 2 days) and wake up to find ive just wished it and really ive collected a travelling circus!!!! cant wait to let you know it all cos you will have a better idea as to wether they all fit.... byeeee!!!
Subject: RE: Fisher
> > > > > > > > > > >Date: 28 Jun 2005 10:13:42 +0100 (BST)
> > > > > > > > > >Morning Tina although i bet you are still in bed crazy woman staying up all night, what have you found ????? more children to her and Michael.
> > > > > > > > > > >I only went upto 1972 as you know i still have a few credits so could try 1974 and 1976 maybe as babies are normaly 2 years apart.
> > > > > > > > > > >Or maybe you have already found more kids.
> > > > > > > > > > >Col xx
tina wrote:
> > > > > > > > > >I was just in middle of typing it to you.... hope im not bugging you.... well, i think ive found her entire family! her mum and dad i think are james fisher and mary jones ( the others were proddies) they had john, James, mary, isabella and marie. James their son married Marguarita (rita) and they had, Ian, david, cathy and tricia. their son ian died in sept. 2002 aged 36. John isabella's brother died 19.2.04. aged 62!!! what do you think x
>Date: 28 Jun 2005 10:38:58 +0100 (BST)
> > > > > > > > > >Hi Tina were did you find all this info...
> > > > > > > > > >Col xx
tina adams . wrote:
> > > > > > > > >oh, yeh and the one who died used to be a member of friends reunited because i remember going on his name and there was an announcement from his brother saying he had died there isnt a fisher i havent clicked on to i dont think! sorry i must be doing your head in. x
>Date: 28 Jun 2005 14:39:39 +0100 (BST)
Hi Tina you sound delighted, who was it who died a family friend.
> > > > > > > > >Col xxxx
tina s wrote:
> > > > > > > >no it was family deaths. you know the death coloumn in the echo i just went through the old announcements. and i rememberd seeing ian fishers death on friendreunitd, trust me, ive been like a lunatic for nearly 20yrs trying for info and i know it sounds a bit sad but for that past year i have scoured the net every day looking for possible fishers. what do you think do you think it sounds right what ive found
Subject: RE: Fisher
> > > > > > > >Date: 28 Jun 2005 18:18:35 +0100 (BST)
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >Hiya Tina just had a look, so you think the Jimmy and Rita are James & Margaurita so that would make Jimmy your mums brother yes ??? surley if Michael & Isabella were still around they would have put an obituary in or even one of there children they would be in there 30's now.
> > > > > > > >As i always say write it all down incase it is correct, i searched for the marriage of a Fisher and a Jones 1943, 1944 and Jan-March 1945 could not find one in the Liverpool area so that means they married before 1943 so had to have had other children or another child before Isabella was born in 1945.
> > > > > > > >Colette
tina adams wrote:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >Hiya james fisher and mary jones whaere married liverpool 1935 in the obituary for son john who died 19.2.04 it said reuntied with mum and dad james and mary that was put in the echo by his brother and sisters jimmy mary bella and marie, god ive just woke up xx
Subject: RE: Fisher
> > > > > > >Date: 29 Jun 2005 19:05:40 +0100 (BST)
> > > > > > >Hi Tina i am with you now i never saw that obituary does make sense doesnt it.
> > > > > > >With the Bella and sister Marie the name you got Donna Marie i think you are onto something sherlock.
> > > > > > >Lazy Bonessssssssssssssss
> > > > > > >Colette xxxxxxxxxx
> > > > >Date: 29 Jun 2005 23:53:20 +0100 (BST)
> > > > >
> > > > >Hi Tina god you poor girl your a mess dont worry
> > > > >Get all your bits together in a big file get some of those plastic sleeve things and keep em all together and take a deep breathe from time to time dont lose ya koollllllllllllllllll.
tina wrote:
> > > >
> > > >I think i might of found her!!! Isabella Fisher, 8 xxxxclose, . Allison Byrne, xxxxclose, !!!! mother and daughter.... maybe....
Subject: RE: Fisher
> > > >Date: 30 Jun 2005 09:12:50 +0100 (BST)
> > > >Wonder why shes a Fisher though maybe she got divorced and is using her own name again.
> > > >Col xx
>tina adams wrote:
> >
> >Hiya, god i must be proper bugging you! i rekon 1st i have to make sure that james and rita fisher are jimmy a maguerita fisher if they are then its them im going to approach first, he is her brother so i think he is best, her kids might not even know about me, and if she wants them to know that has to be her decision, what do you think ive got an adress and number for jimmy and rita!?? help......xxx
>Subject: RE: Fisher
> >Date: 30 June 2005 21:27:04 +0100 (BST)
> >
> >
> >Hi Ti listen its up to you, you have come along way to find her and i bet there hasnt been a day gone by that she hasnt thourght of you were you are what you are doing and what you look like.
> >She's only human after all but also be prepared to be dissapointed as she may not want to see you but some how i dont think that will happen, aye you never know she may have been looking for you also.
> >I think you should ring Rita and Jimmy and if its them, see what they say i know it will be nerve racking at first but if it gets you to meet your birth mum well worth it.
> >I think you have to do it for yourself or you will go mad.
> >And remember none of this was your fault you were an innocent baby caught up in something ok.......
> >
> >
> >Go for it Colette i am thinking about you xxxxxxxxx
>tina adams wrote:
>
>hiya col, ive just woke up.... all this has turned me into a vampire..hahaha. ye you are right my first call has to be her brother because like i said before she may not have told her kids about me and if she hasnt then i think it should stay that way for them, it would be a giant thing to cope with to suddenly find the mum you thought you knew so well had kept such a big secret all this time,im happy just to know that they exist. i dont believe she has tried to find me cos if she had she would only of had to go to some adoption sites on web and she would of found my details. the most likely hood is she has tried to put it behind her and get on with life... and i dont blame her.... she will probably be as nervous as me and might even be too scared to see me, for all she knows i could be out to destroy her, but im not. It hadnt really hit me before fact that this is going to effect quite a few lives, im scared to death! ive told my kids today... they knew i was looking, but never
> took much notice.... My eldest son just said he will be with me every step of the way and that if she doesnt want to know me then its her loss. My younger son just said, yeh, cool, so long as they arent evertonians! Then comes my daughter ive ended up arguing with her, my kids dad (im divorced from him) was brought up in care, so my kids have only ever had me they have no other family, apart from my adopted mum, who she goes to see once a year she is on cloud nine and keeps saying "ive got a real nan" and proper auntys and uncles. Ive had to tell her that right now and maybe forever, they are nothing to her or me, but i cant get that through to her, she loves everyone in life and would open her arms to the bin man if she could....you know the sort.... ive lost count of how many stray animals she has brought home over the years. She is going to be my biggest problem through all this, i just know it! questions question god ive gone on a bit havent i....hahaha... til lata xxxx
tina wrote:
>
>Cheers collette, have a brilliant holiday hope its nice and hot. i went to bodrum 2yrs ago, had a great time. yes you have to get in touch when you get back...... i might of plucked up courage to of done something by then!!!!. Collette I will never be able to thank you enough for your help, it is the biggest thing anyone has ever done for me and without sounding like a creepy freek, I will keep you in my heart forever. xxxxxx
25 July 2005 07.30
tina adams wrote:
Colette, hiya hope you had a fab holiday.guess what...... my real mum and sisters and brother are coming to see me today!!!!!!! tinaxx
Sent :
25 July 2005 08:5
To :
tina
Tinaaaaaaaaaa brilliant news tell me more did you ring her brother oh give us the gossip was she pleased you found her sounds like it.
I am so happy for you.
Yes i had a fab holiday i love Turkey the people are great and such a lively place.
Dont keep me in suspendersssssssssssssssssss
Col xxxxxxx
email discoveries june 2005
Tuesday, 25 September 2007
I went through some old emails today. They were sent between me and Colette, a girl I had got to know through my search. The emails dated between June 14th 2005 and July 12th 2005.
Colette was a member of a genealogy site that I joined. I must of been a member of every adoption and genealogy site on the web. She had seen one of my post asking if any one had any information about my real mum. All I knew at that point was her name and a rough Idea of the area she had lived in. Oh and I had her marriage certificate that someone else had got hold of for me.
I had already been through all the electoral registers and drew a blank. Colette emailed me to say she couldn't find any records of my mum but she had come across a mans name at various addresses over the past few years who could well be her husband. I'm not sure why but at some point we came to the conclusion that they must be divorced. Over the course of the next week the emails flew between us.
The most recent address we had for this man who had to be her husband (in my mind, anyway) was in Bootle. Colette actually lived in the same area!
We still hadn't found anything on my mum and Colette emailed me on June21st with a question. Did I think she might be dead. Yeh, I did. I had thought it for the past week. I'm not sure how I felt because at that point I still didn't know the full truth behind my adoption. I still thought she had dumped me at 10 days old and that was it. So I never was looking for a relationship, I had always thought that whatever her reasons they were right for her at the time and I had no right to intrude into her life.
I decided I was going to write to her husband, with any luck even if they had had a nasty divorce he might have a heart and tell me about her and maybe give me a photo. The next 3 days Colette and her sister kept an eye on the address we had, hoping to see him. I wasn't going to write if he looked like a murderer! They had no luck, it was a house made into flats so there were lots of people coming and going. I tried to persuade her to knock the door and pretend to be a market researcher but she was having none of it!
June 27th. Michael G. Byrne of the said address was not my mums husband. He was her son. My brother. Colette had been to the records office looking for a death certificate and came away with a birth certificate. Two days later she went back and came away with the birth certificates of my two sisters. It had never entered my head that I might have brothers or sisters. July 12th I learned my mum was alive and well and had an address for her.
Why should I or any other human being have to do shit like that and discover like that who they are. That was my family I was discovering, my birth right, part of ME!
Read More......
Colette was a member of a genealogy site that I joined. I must of been a member of every adoption and genealogy site on the web. She had seen one of my post asking if any one had any information about my real mum. All I knew at that point was her name and a rough Idea of the area she had lived in. Oh and I had her marriage certificate that someone else had got hold of for me.
I had already been through all the electoral registers and drew a blank. Colette emailed me to say she couldn't find any records of my mum but she had come across a mans name at various addresses over the past few years who could well be her husband. I'm not sure why but at some point we came to the conclusion that they must be divorced. Over the course of the next week the emails flew between us.
The most recent address we had for this man who had to be her husband (in my mind, anyway) was in Bootle. Colette actually lived in the same area!
We still hadn't found anything on my mum and Colette emailed me on June21st with a question. Did I think she might be dead. Yeh, I did. I had thought it for the past week. I'm not sure how I felt because at that point I still didn't know the full truth behind my adoption. I still thought she had dumped me at 10 days old and that was it. So I never was looking for a relationship, I had always thought that whatever her reasons they were right for her at the time and I had no right to intrude into her life.
I decided I was going to write to her husband, with any luck even if they had had a nasty divorce he might have a heart and tell me about her and maybe give me a photo. The next 3 days Colette and her sister kept an eye on the address we had, hoping to see him. I wasn't going to write if he looked like a murderer! They had no luck, it was a house made into flats so there were lots of people coming and going. I tried to persuade her to knock the door and pretend to be a market researcher but she was having none of it!
June 27th. Michael G. Byrne of the said address was not my mums husband. He was her son. My brother. Colette had been to the records office looking for a death certificate and came away with a birth certificate. Two days later she went back and came away with the birth certificates of my two sisters. It had never entered my head that I might have brothers or sisters. July 12th I learned my mum was alive and well and had an address for her.
Why should I or any other human being have to do shit like that and discover like that who they are. That was my family I was discovering, my birth right, part of ME!
Adoption CyberWorld
Saturday, 8 September 2007
Discovering the world forums quite possibly saved my sanity. The internet was until early 2004 alien to me. I had to ask the kids how to turn the computer on so you can imagine how bad my computer skills were.
I was the source of my kid’s amusement for a few months of my internet initiation. They 'helped' me to set up email and other user accounts, which I thought was good of them. It didn't take long to realise they were taking the 'p' out of me. I was suddenly a member of three on-line dating agencies, a Harry Potter fan site and not to mention all the gothic vampire sites! The final straw was armchair bob. Yeh, armchair bob. I had apparently subscribed to him, sort of like a virtual husband only without the ability to knee him where it hurts.
The time had come to admit my ignorance and get help from a friend. Kids banished from the house we began. My god I couldn’t believe what was out there or how easy it all really was! The kids would have to look elsewhere for entertainment from now on.
Typing the word adoption into the search box opened up a completely new world to me. I quickly came across some forums. Some of the forums where a bit dodgy to say the least but mostly they were made up of people just like me. Ok, everyone had their own story but in one way, another adoption, or the care system had affected their lives.
I joined four or five forums, mostly adoption but one or two that were set up for kids that had been in care (my reason for joining will become clear over time). For the first time in my life, I started to open up about my adoption and childhood. I ran away from my hometown at sixteen and had never spoken about my past to anyone. Obviously, being anonymous helped but it soon became clear that these people in my cyber world were more than just 'people'. They were individuals who not only understood each other but they actually care about people.
I don’t think I would of found my family without the help of the people (now my friends) using the forums. If I were feeling like shit (common side effect), there would always be someone who understood or put things into perspective for me. I soon learnt how to do look ups and where to find information from that would help in my search. It's all about helping each other.
For me and I suspect a lot of adoptees cyberspace is the only place I can be completely honest about my feelings. In the 'real' world, it is much easier to say nothing at all. Walking on eggshells is an understatement. If I was to say how I really feel to the different people in my life, I think it would cause a global meltdown! I often play out the conversations in my head but that is where they will have to stay.
When it comes to my childhood or adoption, I have a real problem with guilt and not wanting to hurt people’s feelings. I would never be able to tell my real mum how much it hurt or affected me not having her in my life. I could never tell her how confused and mixed up my feelings still are. I could list a hundred more things I could never tell her, all for the same reason. I wouldn’t want to hurt her. Is that just me or is it an 'adoption' thing. I would love to hear how it is for others. Oh, thank god for the world of cyber and forums!
Read More......
I was the source of my kid’s amusement for a few months of my internet initiation. They 'helped' me to set up email and other user accounts, which I thought was good of them. It didn't take long to realise they were taking the 'p' out of me. I was suddenly a member of three on-line dating agencies, a Harry Potter fan site and not to mention all the gothic vampire sites! The final straw was armchair bob. Yeh, armchair bob. I had apparently subscribed to him, sort of like a virtual husband only without the ability to knee him where it hurts.
The time had come to admit my ignorance and get help from a friend. Kids banished from the house we began. My god I couldn’t believe what was out there or how easy it all really was! The kids would have to look elsewhere for entertainment from now on.
Typing the word adoption into the search box opened up a completely new world to me. I quickly came across some forums. Some of the forums where a bit dodgy to say the least but mostly they were made up of people just like me. Ok, everyone had their own story but in one way, another adoption, or the care system had affected their lives.
I joined four or five forums, mostly adoption but one or two that were set up for kids that had been in care (my reason for joining will become clear over time). For the first time in my life, I started to open up about my adoption and childhood. I ran away from my hometown at sixteen and had never spoken about my past to anyone. Obviously, being anonymous helped but it soon became clear that these people in my cyber world were more than just 'people'. They were individuals who not only understood each other but they actually care about people.
I don’t think I would of found my family without the help of the people (now my friends) using the forums. If I were feeling like shit (common side effect), there would always be someone who understood or put things into perspective for me. I soon learnt how to do look ups and where to find information from that would help in my search. It's all about helping each other.
For me and I suspect a lot of adoptees cyberspace is the only place I can be completely honest about my feelings. In the 'real' world, it is much easier to say nothing at all. Walking on eggshells is an understatement. If I was to say how I really feel to the different people in my life, I think it would cause a global meltdown! I often play out the conversations in my head but that is where they will have to stay.
When it comes to my childhood or adoption, I have a real problem with guilt and not wanting to hurt people’s feelings. I would never be able to tell my real mum how much it hurt or affected me not having her in my life. I could never tell her how confused and mixed up my feelings still are. I could list a hundred more things I could never tell her, all for the same reason. I wouldn’t want to hurt her. Is that just me or is it an 'adoption' thing. I would love to hear how it is for others. Oh, thank god for the world of cyber and forums!
1994
Thursday, 23 August 2007
I had finally got a call from a Social Worker. I994, nearly 30 years after my birth, he had found my adoption records.
Read More...
I was actually going to see something that was really mine. I was going to be able to touch something that mu mum had touched. I was going to know myself.
Three weeks later, in a busy Social Services office, I was handed my file. It contained 2 dog eared questionnaires sheets,a yellow form and a piece of scrap paper.
