Keep Ben in the News
Touched by Adoption
Dont ask stupid questions
Letter I can never send
Tuesday, 27 November 2007
Dear Mum, I don't know where to start, It's been just over two years since I last came to see you. I know you don't know why and I know it must hurt you. I don't want to hurt you, but I'm scared I would fall apart and never recover if we had this conversation face to face for real.
I know I haven't mentioned my real family since I was about 14years old and I know that it would never of entered your mind that I would try to look for them. Mum, I did look, and after twenty two years I found them. I met them for the first time two years ago. I'm sorry. I wish you where still the same person that you were when I was a child, this wouldn't hurt so much and I could just hate you and tell you what I thought of you. Your not that same person and you haven't been for many years. I understand so much more now.
What you did was wrong but apart of me can see how it must of been for you. I know you had arranged to adopt me before I was born. I know that my mum handed me over to you when I was ten days old. You had spent four months planning for me. My mum said you were devastated when she took me back one day later. She said how you tried to kill yourself. That's why she promised you that you could see me whenever you wanted.
She told me how much you and my dad loved me and how you spoilt me every time you seen me. I know she took advantage of you as well. She said when she was pregnant with my brother Michael it was often easier to just let you have me for a few weeks as a time.While she was living at her brothers and his wife's I know she left me with you more than she should have. She told me it was hard at her brothers because he had five kids and she and Mick (yes, they are still together) had me and baby Michael but it was made clear I should be got rid of. I was an illegitimate bastard and the families shame. I don't really know what her brother Jimmy told you or even if you knew my mum had a breakdown. All I know is that when I was three and a half you and dad took me on holiday and my mum didn't see me again.
You obviously knew what ever it was and what ever lies you dad and Jimmy told social services you knew it was wrong. It explains alot though. You must of been scared of been found out. The lies make sense but why did you tell me such horrible things about my mum. She never dumped me as a tiny baby and she did love me. Why did you always tell me she didn't want to know me. Why did you always tell me she was no good. You probably believed that though. Mum she isn't a bad person she was just a young naive girl who got pregnant. You told me she was a prostitute but apart from my dad Mick is the only man ever in her life. Did you know as well as Michael (who you never told me about) I also had two sisters.
I have so many things I want to ask you but I know in the real world I never will. When we speak on the phone I cry for hours when I put the phone down. I live two completely different lives now and neither of them is real. I cant be honest with you so I pretend on the phone that everything is fine. My real family I have had to tell them I had a happy childhood, it was the only saving for my mum. After you took me she had several breakdowns and never full recovered. I could never tell her the truth about my childhood and I could never tell her that I spent alot of time in children's homes, it would kill her. So I can never really have a relationship with my family because my child hood experiences made me who I am. To you I am Jxxxxxx your daughter who left home at 16. To my real family I am Donna, my mums daughter and big sister to Michael, Michelle and Allie, and I'm back where I belong. When I moved away at 16 I left my childhood behind and as you know every one knows me by my nick name. I cant be jxxxx because she was nothing but a lie. I cant be Donna because I don't know who she is and I don't want to be the person I became at 16 because to be her I have to be alone. It would of been easier if I had never been born.
Poor Little Bastards Are We!
Monday, 19 November 2007
Cllr Shireen Ritchie, Cabinet Member for Family and Children's Services and the driving force behind Chelsea's middle class adoption team. What a woman and what a world she lives in.
Last year she kicked of the 'its the magic of being a family' campaign. She delighted the conservative women of Chelsea with her adventuress approach. Instead of the usual adoption events being held in the Town Hall she took the magic of adoption to the people. Brent Park Tesco in Neasden, was the first port of call. Where better to set up a stand to promote the magic of adoption. The check out at the local supermarket.
'It's the magic of being a family' had taken months of preparing (so we were told)Cllr Shireen Ritchie said: "It's very important to provide a permanent home for children when it is not possible for them to live with their own family. Children are the future and it is vital that we give every child the best possible opportunity in life." Then announced the final leg of the campaign. Centre Court Shopping Centre, Queens Road, Wimbledon, and then on to the foyer area at Tesco, Great Central Way, Neasden.
She was completely oblivious to the fact that the posters of children in need of a magic family looked like a marketing campaign for the up and coming in store Christmas grotto. She made another slight error of judgment
also in her search for magic mummies and daddies. The residence of her nice borough have their Nannies or Au pairs do the shopping at Tesco. Silly woman.
Did I mention that Cllr Shireen Ritchie, is also the mother in law of Madonna and step mother to Guy Ritchie non the less. She appeared on GMTV last week to highlight her adoption campaign. Being interviewed by the non too intelligent Fiona Phillips.
Fiona Phillips asked: “You have probably one of the most famous adopted little grandsons in the whole world now. How’s that all working out?”
“It’s working out very well,” Ritchie replied. “They’re wonderful and loving parents and he’s a very lucky little boy.”
interview
Excuse me! well it goes some way in explaining just why adoptees always feel somewhat 'lucky' and grateful, similar to a sack full of puppies saved from the canal. Yes, lets hope little David appreciates how lucky he is to have his mum die and lose his remaining family. This woman has a voice in UK adoption and it is a voice that is heard. We un -grateful little bastards need to use our own voices and loudly demand the respect and the right to live without owing a debt of gratitude to any fucker that patted us on the head as we passed.
I am an equal
Will adoptees ever be seen for what they really are. What are we? We are members of the human race, we are created and arrive in the world in the same way as non adoptees. We take our first breath and share the same air as every other person.
From the moment the cord of protection is cut, we all, without out exception become individual residents of life.
Somewhere along the way we lose our equal status and become the property and result of our higher ranked race. Do we grow an extra nose or a couple of horns, visible only to the non adopted. What ever it is I know it's real. We are not complete rejects, we show signs of promise or maybe a blank canvas for the more imaginative.
The process begins with the rough edges being smoothed. Then the erasure of anything that might identify our flaws. There, just like a real child. Who would ever guess that we were one of them, you know, one of them adoption options.
The next blog might hold the clues as to why the disguise we are given doesn't quite fit.
