Old Wounds

Since starting my blog a week ago my emotions have been all over the place. It's been a little over a year since I packed my adoption box away. It was supposed to be closure for me

Adoption had dominated my life for as long as I could remember. I had always said to myself that if I found my real mum I would be complete. What a load of bollocks that was!
Finding her meant finding out every single thing I had ever been told had been lies. Getting my head around that at the same time as getting to know my real family was too much.
I did what I do best, I ran away from the situation. I cut all contact with my real family. I have never told my adoptive mum that I have found my real mum or that I know the truth. My intention was to stick two fingers up to the world and say stuff, so what! I was going to live my life adoption free.
Free, what a joke that is. Adoption binds you up in chains and never lets go! My adoption box is open again. I have been looking through it for things to post and have either ended up crying, (I always feel pathetic if I cry over any part of my adoption) or wanting to kill some one!
I am going to continue with my blog because sticking two fingers up and saying stuff it, so what, is like saying it doesn't matter that I was taken from my family and given away in the hope that the shame surrounding my birth remained a dirty secret.
Well it's not OK. I deserved the right to be me! not have someone scrub me out of existence and reinvent me like some new and improved model! My blog will probably be a mish mash of times dates and events, not to mention my crazy thoughts. Putting everything in order would be impossible because my head doesn't know the meaning of the word!