I need praying for... She says
Monday, 5 November 2007
I read a blog last night by an adopter named Andrea. The blog is a celebration of Gods miracle in bringing her daughter into her life.. Her happiness is obvious and her daughter beautiful.
Her blog tells how she came to adopt, why she chose the country she chose and they journey they have been on. She was told many mothers are willing to give their babies up for a better life for them and they plan parties to mark the date of Gods miracle.
I had read quite a few Inter country Adoption blogs and the adopters have got it soooo right. They have recognised the pain that is also attached to adoption. They understand the need their child will have to know about their identity and all that goes with it. They have it so right because as well as loving their child they think of the child's needs before their own.
Anyway, I commented on the blog (shock horror, how dare I !) I simply said how happy they looked but (think that was my mistake) It was no miracle that got them their child, it was an industry, a big industry at that. It comes down to cash. No mother should be parted from her child due to lack of wealth. More should be done to enable these families to stay together. I didn't mean to offend the woman I just felt she owed it to her child to know the reality. I also said there will come a day when the miracle celebration party will make her child think of what she lost that day. National Adoption week has only started here today and already I have heard that many sugar coated cliches I could scream! The pain and hurt that adoptees feel when they are old enough to understand is real and ignore it all you like but it doesn't go away and it doesn't get easier.
Well the bottom line is Andrea the adopter has asked every one to pray for me for my EVIL comments!'Please join me in praying for her. God adopts us into his family, and I have no doubt that He brought my child to mine'. Whooppee! I might be a bastard but at least I will be a blessed bastard! Hey Ho.
6 November 2007 at 18:11
Hi, I came from a friend of a friend of the Andrea you referred to in your post. I'm not sure exactly what your perspective is because I haven't spent a whole lot of time reading, but I think maybe you should consider that not all adoptees feel the way you do. I sense that you feel victimized because information was withheld from you. I also sense a "blanket" attitude of bitterness, but I don't fully understand why. What can adoptive parents do to appease this kind of bitterness? I feel that all they can do is simply raise the child to know as much as they know, and always tell them that they are loved and have their blessing should they seek to find out more information.
I was adopted at the age of 2 months, and that was almost thirty years ago. I don't know hardly anything about my biological parents and have never met them, but I don't feel the pain and hurt you refer to in your post. My identity is founded in other things. Maybe you should consider the pain and hurt that some may feel is equally valid as the assurancce that "it is God's will to adopt this child" for others. They can both exist.
I am curious now and would like to find out more about what your goal is for this blog.... will be reading....
6 November 2007 at 19:16
Good Afternoon! I read with interest your blog about adopotion.
I was adopted at the age of four. Sometimes, adoptions are not as cut and dry as an unwed Mother. My bilogical parents both loved and wanted me, but sadly were part of the "system". I believe that both of my bilogical parents loved me, after finding out my information. I was fortunate to have been adopted at the age of four, because we all know that the older a child is, the harder it is for a child to be adopted. I am very grateful and blessed for all that I have gone through during my life.
I believe that I am a stronger person and I also feel that I appreciate my beautiful children all of the more.
7 November 2007 at 18:12
I also came from a friend of Andrea's blog, and I'm really a bit curious as to how you found Andrea's blog in the first place. Do you just sit around all day googling adoption on blog sites so you can post rude comments for complete strangers? Praying for you!
7 November 2007 at 18:22
I am so sorry you have had such a terrible time and that you are hurting so badly. I have never in my life seen anyone share your view of adoption. Do you think it is better for children to be raised by abusive parents or by nobody at all? I think it is amazing that there are so many people in the world who have adopted and have loved and raised a child that might not have had the same opportunities otherwise. My friends who have adopted have wonderful, thriving children whom they love more than words can express. God has blessed them! The thought of any child being the victim of circumstances it was born into breaks my heart. Have you seen pictures on the web of the babies being pulled out of homes with meth labs wearing only a diaper while the police are covered in protective gear? I wish the world was perfect and that every child was born into a loving and thriving home, but that is not the case.
8 November 2007 at 21:58
Hi and thank you all for commenting. The reason for me doing my blog is for myself to be able to make sense of events, which only came to light 2 years ago. When it comes to adoption I could not use my own experience as an example purely because the circumstances are way to extreme plus my own adoption was illegal.
I am not against adoption, I am against names being changed and birth certificates being altered. I am against illegal trafficking of children for adoption and the industry it promotes.
Someone has asked why I read other blogs, no its not to leave nasty comments it is because I believe every one involved in adoption can learn from each other.
My intention when posting on Andreas blog was not to insult but to mention the other side of adoption. No of course not all babies are ripped from their mothers arms and sadly there will always be a call for adoption because it is not always possible for a child to be brought up with family. 9/10 children adopted will sooner or later want to know about their beginnings and many will want to find and meet their family. It's about identity it is no reflection on their parents who have brought them up.
I can only speak from the view of an adoptee I am lucky enough to have been able to have children. I cannot imagine how it must feel not to be able to have children (hence reading others stories, to get a better understanding)I also cannot imagine the happiness that must be felt when after a long struggle adoption finally takes place. The blogs I have read speak volumes when it comes to explaining the families happiness. There is a loss with adoption though also. When the child gets older there can be a loss of what might of been the loss of never knowing. These are feelings that the parents can help with. How does a child bring these issues up though if they have never been mentioned before. If they have only had the happy side and heard their parents joy about the adoption feelings of not wanting to hurt their parents and feelings of guilt will surface. When you love your parents (if you have read my blog you will know I love my adoptive parents despite the circumstances)believe me it is not easy to talk of identity because of the worry of hurting your parents.
Communication between all sides of adoption is the way forward.
Andrea and her family are in an excellent position when it comes to improving adoption. They have successfully and legally adopted a child. Despite the Hague Convention rulings regarding inter country adoption, adoption is still very much a cash industry in some countries and the longing for a child can prevent people from seeing the bigger picture and the truth. Adoption needs openness and the illegal practices need highlighting. The cold hard facts of cash for babies will only stop when people fully acknowledge it and when potential parents are aware of the legal processes and the success ( Andrea is an example of this) and anything, however attractive a proposition, that appears in the slightest bit dubious is treated with zero tolerance and reported.
8 November 2007 at 23:10
Gee Tina, not all adoptees feel the same way as you so you'd better just shut up right now before you give us good adoptees a bad name.
We're gifts, don't you know? GIFTS!!!!!
Is that what you're trying to say "goodlikeamedicine"?
Dude, you have a right to your opinion. There is loss in adoption and relinquishment and anyone who thinks otherwise has had way too much koolaid.
Seriously, seriously...what was really wrong with what you said? I don't see it.
I am now on my knees praying for you all.
(((Hugs)))
8 November 2007 at 23:16
Hiya Issy, Im a gift do you NOT see the big pink bow around my neck! and I rattle when shaken haha. Any chance of singing a hymn for me along with the prayers.
Hope your ok,
love tina
1 December 2007 at 02:07
i'm an adoptive mum to two kids ... i don't think my kids were a "gift" to me, nor that God preordained them to be abandoned by their first families.
i too both believe & don't believe in adoption, and that ultimately all kids should have the ability to stay with their first parents ... and that as a society we owe our kids giving back to to support those orgs that do try to help families stay together, especially in light of poverty & social stigma
your gift is your blog ... if all adoptive parents pulled their heads out of the sand maybe we could actually change this world
1 December 2007 at 15:55
Hi anonymous, thank you for taking the time to read and comment. It is so good to hear from adoptive parents who understand, it gives me hope for happier futures for child adoptees. I wish your voice could be heard by all adoptive parents who dont get it. It is alot easier for some to dismiss anything adult adoptees say and put it down to sour grapes.
thanks again, and I have no doubt your kids will grow into compassionate secure people. x