adoption sucks

Mum, have you any idea what you have done to me. I've just come back from a counselling session at the eating disorder clinic. The second one since starting back on the program. Probably my last one. I sat like a dummy while the woman asked questions and as usual she filled the silences with assumption.

'Do you see your mum much'..'no, well I suspect your still angry with her'...blah blah blah. Hundred and one questions and not one answer. I wanted to scream at her no Im not angry at her and no we haven't had a big show down. I'm fucking hurt and my mum hasn't got a clue about any of this.
Mum how did I end up like this. You have no idea that I have found my real family and that I know the truth. Its been 2yrs since we spoke and I know it hurts you. I'm scared though of seeing or speaking to you. Its a conversation I can never have with you, mainly because I know your not that deranged mother who was cruel anymore. Your a completely different person now. Its been 2and half years since I found the truth and I should be dealing with it not sitting here like a fucking idiot with tears streaming down my face.
I cant even be bothered to say the rest