November 1985

Quite possibly the most magical night of my life. Why? It was the night I gave birth to my first son. I must of lay staring at him for most of the night.

Nothing could have prepared me for the overwhelming love I felt for him. While I was pregnant I had all the romantic ideas of what my, I suppose I should say our, baby was going to be like. She was going to be gorgeous, only she turned out to be a he!

From the second I clapped eyes on him I knew that this must be what it feels like to love some one. The next day as he lay asleep in my arms I thought for the first time ever 'how could someone give their baby away'. I just thought, what a bitch to give a baby away, really what I meant was how could my mum of given me away!

I must of cried for the next 2 days, I couldn't tell anyone why I was crying, no one in my new life knew I was adopted, so It was put down to the baby blues. I made the decision then that I wouldn't give up till I found my mum. Before that time I had never once thought in that way, I had always thought that what ever reason my mum had me adopted was the right reason for her at the time. I have never thought it since then either. I just count my self lucky to have had my kids beside me and could never imagine the pain of losing any of them.